I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror today and even though, physically, I look the same, mentally, I’m a completely different person. My mentality towards everything is different. Every ounce of hate and anger and evil I give into it. I know I’m gonna end up in a place I don’t want to be but I feel like I can’t stop this downward spiral. There’s a chance for salvation but it’s not for me. I don’t even consider myself a Christian anymore. I rejected every motion of God and I’m not worried about my soul. I’m not even afraid to die. Hell I’ve tried death twice. I’m growing darker and darker every day, learning to spit in God’s face every chance I get. I learned to choose hell over heaven. Constantly having nightmares about dark things coming for me and I welcome them in. I think I’m the exception to God’s plan for his children to be happy, I’m the one person to not be. I laugh literally at things that most people would normally cry about. I find joy in the suffering of others. I’m changing, in an extremely bad and desensitized way. I don’t like it but I don’t hate it, I accept it. If I couldn’t beat the sadness in me, ill use it. I don’t even care about the people who meant so much to me before. It’s funny, I hate everyone now, even if they haven’t done wrong to me. Everything good about me is shattered. I think I like the rising evil in me…
black and blue
DANG IT. why didn’t i think of this. would have been so much easier.